EDit: Okay, just reread this and it seems not really to make a huge amount of sense. This of COURSE is the way with 'Beyond the Marshes' (do you own them?). i think the point i was attempting to make is this: I've been a little mad of late but am getting better, there is a delay to the publication of the fourth edition but it is now being put together at high speed, the quality will be majestic and the contents will be phantastical... do try to get one if you can.
Tidal Buoys, the rise of the hermit and the failing process of creating Beyond the Marshes Issue 4.
Written and posted November 2016.
There has been an earthquake in my brain of late, a brainquake if you will.
BUT this is not about the causes, this is not about the reasons, it is about the effects. In fact this isn’t really about the effects either, it is about the final outcome. I think I was given a label some time in the early 00’s, very likely before the shift of the Global that occurred in New York on that clear blue sky September day. We were in France, no media available on the day... didn’t know of it until the following day and even then only in strange drips of abstract radio crackles. Those thoughts of the past knocked me off topic, back to the narrative… The label, the mental illness that seems to have defined a good deal of my live post diagnosis (now a voice in my head chirps up this is self absorbed bullshit and isn’t worth writing, I will ignore that voice) …is a foul monster BUT I still find myself unable to completely believe in its existence.
That lack of believe though, does not stop me from becoming somewhat debilitated by it, knocked off course.. submerged in brain filth and depression and self loathing, the power it has to destroy the drive to create and the self belief that what I am trying to do is worthy. Actually I’m not sure if it is really about worthiness, if I try to pin point what this means I drift off into confusion again. I honestly don’t know how many editions of each slim volume of the pamphlet ‘beyond the marshes’ are in existence, which I find funny!
This is an apology.
I retreat from all things when the long shadows of what ever it is that infected my brain.
(did I catch it from all that LSD?)
lopes up from the darkest wood at the edge of the horizon. Of course years of therapy have helped hugely and thanks to this I’ve been prescription drug free for over six years. However whenever bouts of the evil made up mental illness strike the threat of returning to the drug haze of anti-psychotics turns from mist to near solid form. The self imposed hermitude, the self denial of all social interactions (apart from closest of family, who unfortunately bare the brunt of the filth that is the brainquakes) is a form of self medication. YOU GET ME?
Children shouldn’t play with dead things, as the film title goes.
All this adds up to the shameful fact that Issue 4 is very behind schedule. Not nothing has been done though, the creation never really stops entirely. Writing and researching for a pamphlet few will read is hard but making noises with a computer is not. These noises are readily available for your ears at the soundcloud website.
There is great yellow light at the end of the tunnel though, work has now begun on the 4th edition, indeed a fair bit of writing has already been undertaken. Two books have been an influence, Jan Fries ‘Seidways’ and ‘Introduction to Magic’ By the UR Group.
So SORRY to the people who know me for doing my vanishing act (will you read this?) and DON”T WORRY issue 4 is on the way, and that is what is FUCKING IMPORTANT…